Archive for December, 2003


On Fish

My finals are swiftly winding down, but it occurred to me the other day, that despite people’s insistence that fish is brain food, it is not the best brain food. You what is? Brains. Go figure.

Batting a Thousand

I know I haven’t been updating much. I found out that I have classes, and my boyish good looks and charming personality can’t get me the A’s I deserve. (I know! I was surprised too!) So I have to hit the books. If that doesn’t work, I’ll hit my friends. Usually I feel better about myself after that.

Oh – I do have one thing to note: There comes a time in every man’s life, where he must turn to his fellow man, and explain, calmly and patiently, that the long-john underpants he [the friend] is wearing do not count as pants. I knew that – I just didn’t think that my turn to explain it would be so soon.

Like a Rock

Why does the English language have to be so darn amibigious? When people told me college would be hard, I thought they meant “durable,” as in “that’s a hard rock,” or “that rock is rather hard,” or “the harditude of that rock simply astounds me.” But nooooo. They meant “difficult,” as in “that’s a hard rock to lift,” or “you see, it wasn’t so hard to get that rock down his esophagus, was it? Now let’s go out for ice cream – on me.” Darn tricksters. I’ll get that Webster, if it’s the third-to-last thing I do. He still owes me ice cream.