Archive for the 'Food' Category


Code Red

The world is going more and more crazy, and this time, at least, it isn’t my fault. I recently came across the following on the label on a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red, a substance with little to negative nutritional value, yet one which aided a great many of my late-night coding sessions:

Contains: Carbonated Water, High-Fructose Corn Syrup AND/OR Sugar…

And/or sugar? And/or sugar?! I’m sorry, but the phrase ‘and/or’ belongs in insurance contracts, not in ingredient lists.
Then again, I suppose that there were early warning signals that Code Red was bad news. First of all, the name: it definitely violates my never-drink-anything-named after-emergency-situation-terminology policy, which I plan on sticking to much more carefully in the future.1 Second, the color should’ve been a tip-off. That particular hue is generally reserved by nature for such crucial messages as “I’m a tropical flower! Pollinate me!” or “I’m a particularly good-looking parrot! Let’s mate!” or “I’m heat vision coming from Superman’s eyes. Die, villain!”
Since I am neither Lex Luthor, nor able to pollinate much of anything, nor particularly attracted to parrots (good-looking or otherwise), maybe this isn’t the beverage for me.
You live, you learn, I guess.

AND/OR?” Sheesh.


1The policy mentioned above is similar to my don’t-eat-anything-that-sounds-like-an-Aladdin-character policy. This, of course, is why I do not eat Babaganoush.

They’ve Got a Way With B-O-L-O-G-N-A

True story.
A few months ago, I was in Scranton, PA (Motto: “We’re not stupid enough to be coal miners…anymore.”), visiting family friends with my family. I woke up Saturday morning, and I was laying in bed, and I asked my brother the following question:

“If your bologna really did have a first name, and, like, you knew it, then would you really be willing to eat it?”

I believe he was speechless.

(And for those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, look here. Cretins.)

On Fish

My finals are swiftly winding down, but it occurred to me the other day, that despite people’s insistence that fish is brain food, it is not the best brain food. You what is? Brains. Go figure.