I wasn’t planning on posting. I didn’t have anything to post on that I could think of. But then I happened across this post about Sukkot found on the Lansey Brothers’ Blog. I just had to leave a comment to that post. Hilarity ensued. Or rather will ensue, I hope. Or maybe despair will ensue. I just want some ensuing to happen, ok?

As I recall (and I am not making this up), according to the halachot of sukkah, you can use a person as part of a wall of a sukkah, provided that 1) the person doesn’t move and 2) the person is unaware that he/she is part of a sukkah. So just invite some friends over:

Eli: Hey, guys, come over my house for dinner!

Guys: Great!

Later that evening…

Guys: Can we come inside?

Eli: No, we’re eating out here, because it’s Sukkot.

Guys: Oh, right. But where’s the sukkah?

Eli: Um…I don’t…know. Can you guys stand in lines forming a rectangle? Here, let me arrange you. Now don’t move, ok?

Guys: What’s going on? Why can’t we move?

Eli: It’s, it’s a game! the, um, the “don’t move till we’re done dinner game!”

Guys: Dinner? So we can eat now?

Eli: No, not so much.

Guys: Why not?

Eli: Because you’re not in a sukkah.

The Guys spontaneously combust due to the volatile combination of frustration and absurdity.

The Rabbinic Sages roll in their graves. Some may even weep.

So there you have it – a simple solution, all laid out. All you have to figure out now is what to do about schach. (Eli: Ok, now wear these branches as hats…)

By the way, women are not excluded from this. Even though the mitzvah of being part of a sukkah is a time-bound positive mitzvah, a woman can be a sukkah wall as much as a man can. However, it may be wise to adopt the custom of not having a sukkah made of both men and women, as it may lead to mixed dancing.

6 Responses to “Tabernacles”

  1. Alisha says:

    You are making that up. I refuse to believe otherwise. (The part about women reinforces my certainty — the logic doesn’t follow.)

  2. ilan says:

    The part about women was a stretch, but the rest is genuine. I can’t recall where it is, but when I find the source, I’ll let you know.

  3. Lauren says:

    wow. just, wow. you know, I tell my family about all the really weird things I learn. And then they harass me for being Orthodox. Which is funny, because I’m most definitely not.

  4. says:

    So right! He was so obnoxious and anal. I finally muted it when he wouldn’t stop with the “Oh my ********* God!” The popper wanted the sack out but this guy thought he knew better. Get a new friend.

  5. auto insurance says:

    I’ll try to put this to good use immediately.

  6. http://www./ says:

    Gute Lehrer gibt es eben nur an guten Schulen. Leider habe ich Jan Hahn nicht kennen gelernt. Meine Zeit an der TSS liegt 18 zurück. 😉

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