Code Red

The world is going more and more crazy, and this time, at least, it isn’t my fault. I recently came across the following on the label on a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red, a substance with little to negative nutritional value, yet one which aided a great many of my late-night coding sessions:

Contains: Carbonated Water, High-Fructose Corn Syrup AND/OR Sugar…

And/or sugar? And/or sugar?! I’m sorry, but the phrase ‘and/or’ belongs in insurance contracts, not in ingredient lists.
Then again, I suppose that there were early warning signals that Code Red was bad news. First of all, the name: it definitely violates my never-drink-anything-named after-emergency-situation-terminology policy, which I plan on sticking to much more carefully in the future.1 Second, the color should’ve been a tip-off. That particular hue is generally reserved by nature for such crucial messages as “I’m a tropical flower! Pollinate me!” or “I’m a particularly good-looking parrot! Let’s mate!” or “I’m heat vision coming from Superman’s eyes. Die, villain!”
Since I am neither Lex Luthor, nor able to pollinate much of anything, nor particularly attracted to parrots (good-looking or otherwise), maybe this isn’t the beverage for me.
You live, you learn, I guess.

AND/OR?” Sheesh.


1The policy mentioned above is similar to my don’t-eat-anything-that-sounds-like-an-Aladdin-character policy. This, of course, is why I do not eat Babaganoush.

4 Responses to “Code Red”

  1. Anonymous says:

    What about the don’t-eat-bologna-with-a-name policy? (From one of your old posts)


  2. Alisha says:

    Ilan, you should know that that “and/or” on the ingredient list of at least some sodas is probably there for the express benefit of observant Ashkenazi Jews. I don’t know whether Code Red is kosher l’pesach during the appropriate time of year, but Coca-Cola is, and because of the flexible ingredient list on the label the only thing the company has to change to indicate its kosher-ness is the bottle cap.

    Puts your ridicule in a whole new light, doesn’t it?

    Oh, and will you eat babaganoush if it’s called salat chatzilim? 😉

  3. ilan says:

    Yeah, people told me that was the reason. I don’t buy it. Check out the label on the small bottles of Coke.

  4. Yoni says:

    Hows about, I’m a bright Red frog. The poisin in just one of my toes can kill a small city.

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