The Empire Strikes Back

I love how these days everything bows to the Yankees-Red Sox games.
Meetings are canceled, world dominations are postposed1, even dentist appointments are rescheduled. I heard that many New Yorkers have stopped breathing in order to better hear the game. This only goes to prove my original hypothesis: That people are 100% blithering, daze-inducing, morons. Absolute idiots. The kind of people who will send me large suns of unmarked bills. Or a pony. I always wanted a pony.

Anyway…what was I writing about?

Ah, yes. I was writing about baseball. (That’s funny. That’s like the French writing on military tactics.) Well, it’s like this. I wouldn’t care a great deal about the game, except that it, much like ponies, has deep cosmic significance.
The Red Sox versus the Yankees!

It’s like Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader.

It’s like Indiana Jones versus all the Nazis and that creepy guy who rips out people’s still-beating hearts.

It’s like – dare I say it – Dudley Do-Right versus Snidely Whiplash.

Whoa. That’s intense. I have to sign off and take a nap.
And check the mail for unmarked bills2.

  1. Just ask Kim Chong-il of North Korea – he’s rooting for the Yankees and he’s an evil dictator. (Coincidence? I think not.)

  2. That means money, by the way. You spine-wrenchingly half-witted fool.

One Response to “The Empire Strikes Back”

  1. Karen says:

    the funny thing is, i was thinking the exact same thing – about the yankees being evil…not about sending you money 🙂

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