From the depths of hell


Sorry. That was just the ol’ evil alert. Why did it go off, you ask?
Wait, what’s that you say? Oh. Um, so, um, you didn’t ask that. You asked if you could borrow my fishing pole, some bleach, and a club-footed puma. I see. I’ll be right back.

(an hour passes…)

Ok, I’m back. I’ll tell you anyway about the evil alert, and you’ll see how sorry you’ll be when you find out the reason. You’ll be like “I am so sorry, now that I found out the reason,” and then later, you’ll be like “I was so sorry, having found out the reason.” And then much later, you’ll be like “I had been sorry…” well, you get the picture. On to the EVIL!

I have a computer science course here at Cornell, CS312. The last assignment of the year – arguably the biggest, was recently posted. In it, the following instructions are written:

“A week after the problem set is handed out, there will be a specification change. This could be a change to the rules of the game, to the language, or to bot features.”

Ignoring the details of the project, just think about that one for a second. That’s like a history teacher saying “Oh, yes, write a paper on ‘The Protestant Reformation and Its Effects on Local String Bean Farmers in Indonesia,’ ” then two weeks later, saying, “We’ve changed the assignment to ‘Catfish and You: A Retrospective.’ And write the essay on a live manatee, not paper.”

Crazy? Yes, but not too crazy for computer science. Revel in the heartlessness! Feel the burn! Set your hair on fire!

4 Responses to “From the depths of hell”

  1. Anonymous says:


    Hahahahahahahah!!!! this is great!
    – Ari

  2. Eliyahu says:

    Hey, Ilan! Nice site. Almost as good as mine. Although, I’m more photogenic than you, I think.

  3. ilan says:

    No, Eliyahu, that is the dorky evil alert. It gets made fun of by the other alerts.

  4. Eliyahu says:

    Say, doesn’t the evil alert go “EEEEEEEEEEVIL! EEEEEEEEEEVIL!” ?

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