Comment Cards Rock

Hello all. I haven’t posted lately because I’ve been busy/ignoring you/trying to take over the world, or at least my roommate’s half of the room. So there.

But I have been doing some other literary work.

You guessed it – I’ve been filling out comment cards at the local kosher dining hall (it’s called 104 West!1) in order to make this a better and more amusing world, for me at least. I now present to you a few of my more beloved comments:

Can you please use Duncan Hines’ brownie mix for making your brownies? I may renounce Judaism if you do not.

Please stop putting nuts in your cookies! I have a severe fear of nuts and toddlers.

I’m lonely. Can 104 West! (formerly Kosher Dining Hall) provide me with a friend? Can I have a (preferrably magical) pony?

Can you please provide decaf tea OR give me control of an underappreciated third-world country? (Not one of the landlocked ones, please.)

Ok, that’s it. I’m out like the soap.

  1. Yes, the exclamation mark is part of the name, and presumably, one mentioning the name of this institution must properly inflect the words to show excitement or exclamation. It can cause confusion when depression and hunger coincide. For example:
    PERSON 1: Hey Bob! How’s it going?
    BOB: Hello, Person 1. It’s going poorly. My cat just got run over my the tow truck that was towing away my uninsured car that sponatneously crashed into a tree while I was in bed, having cried myself to sleep upon being dumped by my girlfriend.
    PERSON 1: Oh, bummer.
    BOB: Yeah. I’m going to kill myself now. First, maybe I’ll grab a bite to eat at 104 West!
    PERSON 1: That’s the spirit!^

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