I know, I know. A new post was long overdue. So sue me. Not for real.
I suppose I should break this into two posts, but I doubt that most people will realize that there are two new ones at once. So, first is this: My brother Noam is a grad student in English literature at Stanford University, and somehow, he finds me funny. So he showed a post or two to his friends out in Palo Alto, CA. He recently told me:
Noam: everyone i know loved the albert thing
Noam: the english department at stanford university now acknowledges you as one of the funniest people they’ve ever read
(These are direct quotes, with only his screenname changed to protect him from stalkers and the Mafia.)
So while I’m not sure what this says about the impending downfall of Western civilization, it does give me a huge ego trip. And when you come right down to it, that’s what really matters, right?
And here’s post number two:
I would like to share a brief snippet of my oh-so-interesting life with you lesser mortals. I hope you can handle it. A couple nights ago, I was talking to my roommate Elie about, um, I actually think it was interior design. Anyway, the conversation went, more or less, like this:
ME: We should put up paper on the walls so we can write on them.
ELIE: No. It’s a good idea in theory, but it won’t work. Like Communism.
ME: Well, Communism had eighty years before it failed. Can’t you give this a chance, too?
ELIE: Communism had eighty years, and look at what happened!
ME: What do you mean? They sent a dog into space. That’s one less dog we have to worry about here.
ELIE: I don’t like dogs either, but-
ME: Then again, if the space dogs come back and attack, it might be bad. So we aren’t putting up the paper, then?
ELIE: Damn Communist space dogs.