Archive for October, 2003

.

Leading the Blind #1

Here is the first (admittedly short) installment of the story of Chimba, tentatively titled Leading the Blind:

It was one of those days. You know, those early spring days, when the flowers are just starting to poke their sleepy little heads out of the thawed ground, when the small woodland animals scurry about doing whatever it is that woodland animals do so frantically, when the air is so crisp you can eat it as a breakfast cereal, and when the sun and breeze combine in just such a way that everyone seems happier, and even the crazy guy who lives in the park sounds just a bit nicer when he yells at the pigeons about world politics? You know those days? Well, it wasn’t at all like that on this particular day. No, the flowers weren’t just hiding anymore; they’d packed their flowery suitcases and moved to Miami, the woodland animals were drawing straws to figure out who was “expendable,” the air was soggy, and, yes, the crazy guy was particularly belligerent when yelling at the pigeons about the corrupt government of the Republic of Mallomar. On such a day, our story starts. On such a day, Chimba awoke.

…and that’s what I have so far. I have a few more things bouncing around in my head. They’ll come out eventually – like splinters.

Chimmmmba!

That’s it. I’ve decided to write the story of Chimba. It’s about a lovable yet misunderstood fake mute midget from Ancient Greece who oversleeps a few thousand years. Possible sub-plots include world domination, the extinction of the human race, and cheese, while mimes and other street weirdos will be sprinkled in for good measure. I will then cook it on HIGH for 30 minutes (25 minutes at higher altitudes), and let cool, while basting with, I don’t know, maybe some irrelevant supporting characters. Either that or dogs. Big ones, with sharp teeth.

The first installment will appear in some finite number of days.

Aphorisms Redux

A few thoughts:

You can’t always get what you want,
but if you try real hard,
you just might find,
that you wake up in a pool of your own vomit next to a powerful one-legged woman named Edna, who is wielding a rolling pin menacingly.

The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the policemen probably have cooler uniforms than on the road to heaven.

Ask not what you can do for your country but what you can do in a playground with a socket wrench at 3 in the morning.(You’d be surprised.)

Sing us a song…

I wrote a new song today. It’s another take-off on a Billy Joel song. This one, parodying “Piano Man,” is called “Blender Man.”
And here’s the best part: I made an mp3 of it. Make sure to listen to it all the way through, to get the full effect of my genius:



powered by ODEO
If that doesn’t work, you can access the mp3 here.

Call Me Beethoven

In honor of my prospective major, I have written a song. I call it “My Major in C-major.” (I’m so clever!) The tune you likely know, but you might have to study the words to become familiar enough with them to sing it from memory. Bear in mind that it’s a work in progress, so some of it may be a bit rough around the edges:

My Major in C-major by Ilan
(to the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” by Billy Joel)

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Sci-ence

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Sci-ence

(Instrumental)

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science and Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

CHORUS
We didn’t Computer Science
It was Computer Science
Since Computer Science
We didn’t Computer Science
No Computer Science
But Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science and Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Compu-ter Science

CHORUS

BRIDGE (this is a bit tricky)
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
(Neato Instrumental)

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Compu-ter Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science and Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

CHORUS

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Sciencemania
Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science

Computer Science, Computer Science, Computer Science
Computer Science, Computer Science, what else do I have to say?

CHORUS

Computer Science, Computer Science….

…and that’s all I’ve written for now. I’m working on the rest. If you have any suggestions, post them. Also, I have an idea for a similar song, called “Computer Program,” but it’s only in its early development stages.